Goodbye
by AnnCarter
Summary: Rumple is ready to let go. Belle, on the other hand, not so much. Sort of a missing scene in the end of 4x20 "Lily".


**AN:** Binging = too many fics for one day. Screw it. I need them back together. *runs off to sob in the corner again*

 _All rights for Once Upon a Time are ABC's. I own nothing._

* * *

"Please. I'm not asking for forgiveness." Something about the way he looked at her, about the acceptance in his eyes and the quietness in his voice made her stop in her place. The weight of the emotions filling her heart just at the sight of Rumple's familiar face was almost too heavy. Her instincts told her to run, but something about the sorrow on his face made her stay. He wouldn't hurt her.

Seeing as she stopped, he continued. "I spent every day of our marriage deceiving you," He said quietly, sorrow and acceptance at his defeat still shining in his eyes, "When I should have been trying to make you happy. And now it's too late. My heart is nearly black. And if I continue hurting you, then there's no hope for me."

For the first time since he walked into the room, he broke their eye contact. Instead, he turned to the box and gently lifted her heart, his fingers holding it so gently that it felt like butterfly wings over her very soul. He didn't do anything Rumple-y; instead, standing before her was, once again, the man underneath. The man she loved.

"I'm gonna return this to you, Belle," He said, his voice still quiet and filled with sorrow, "But he's-" He turned his head to look at Will, "-the one who's gonna protect it, because I've proven unworthy."

Looking into his eyes once again, she knew he'd meant it. He'd meant every word he said. He wasn't trying to win her over. He wasn't trying to get rid of Will, or to get her forgiveness. Something about him made it clear to her that he'd given up.

Gently, his free hand held her shoulder as he moved slight closer. Then he was pushing her heart back to her chest, where it belonged. She gasped as every one of her emotions suddenly became a million times stronger, her love and pain breaking her heart all over again, just like they did when she first found out he'd lied to her.

There was a sort of an understanding in his eyes, and through her tears, she could see the pain and sorrow written all over his face. His love for her, clear as day, just like it always was when they were together. That love that kept his heart from turning dark entirely; that same love he was now giving up on, for her.

"Goodbye, Belle," He said softly, taking one last look at her, as though he was memorising her looks, before turning to leave the shop.

She turned around as soon as he walked past her, looking for an answer for the confusion her heart offered. One the one hand, she wanted him to be gone. During their brief marriage, he'd done nothing but to hurt her. She knew that as well as he did. He lied and manipulated and deceived her. Every single day.

But on the other hand, her heart was pulling her to him, her feet ready to take her back to the man who loved her – and, just as importantly, the man she still loved. The man she somehow knew she would _always_ love.

Before she managed to get herself to move, he was gone, the shop's door closing after him. Will attempted to take her hand, but she pulled away, her eyes still set on the place she last saw Rumple. She couldn't just let him go like that. Could she?

"Belle?" Will asked behind her, and looking at the blurry door in front of her, she knew the answer.

* * *

"Rumple."

He stopped, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Looking down at the pavement, he let out a long breath. Walking away from Belle was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, even harder than sacrificing himself to stop Pan from hurting the ones he loved. Knowing she still loved him – he could see it in her eyes – made it harder than anything else he ever did. Harder than he thought possible.

"He's a good man," He said quietly, still looking down. He couldn't turn around to face her. He wasn't sure he'd have the strength to do what needed to be done all over again. "If he makes you smile… I'm glad."

Her voice was choked and slightly breathless when she spoke. "What did you mean, 'it's too late'?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter," He said softly. "Go back to your life, Belle. For me."

"Is this about what you told me?" She asked quietly, her voice sounding slightly closer now. She kept moving towards him, even as he stood still, and he was terrified of the moment she'd force him to face her. "In the forest? Because of your heart?"

He looked up in surprise. "You remember that?"

He could almost see her biting her lower lip for a moment before nodding. The image was so clear in his mind that it was nearly impossible for him to believe it wasn't real. But when her voice came, it came from behind, where she still was.

"I didn't, until you put my heart back." She let out a shaky breath. "That's why you're looking for this Author? Because of your heart?"

He hesitated briefly before nodding. It didn't matter anymore. Whatever came of Emma and the Author, it was too late for him. Soon, he'd be gone. And when he's gone, she'll be free to finally do what's right for her. What he should've done all along.

"Yes." He sighed. "But like I said, it's too late. My heart is nearly gone. Soon I'll be nothing but the Dark One. Rumpelstiltskin will be gone." He managed a bitter laughter. "Perhaps it's for the best."

"Regina got it right, you know," She said softly, her voice choked and full of emotion. He could tell she was right behind him, but she didn't touch him, nor did she try to get ahead of him. Somehow, she knew it would be impossible for him to do the right thing if she did. "What she said, in the woods. She got it right. I _was_ wondering-"

"Belle, please." His voice broke as he cut her off. He couldn't even think about that possibility. It was gone now, along with every other chance he could've had. Thinking about it was brought nothing but pain. Much like he deserved.

* * *

Standing behind him, Belle took a shaky breath. The tears were once again blurring her sight, but she could see him clearly enough, his shoulders hunched and his arms shaking lightly, his fists clenched as he forced himself to stay away from her. For some reason, that sight was even more heart-breaking than the things he said in his shop.

"You're giving up?" She managed, her voice choked. She couldn't believe he was giving up. It wasn't like him. But the way he looked at her, the way he spoke about Will, the way he stood right now, facing away from her, barely controlling himself, all made it clear to her that he really was. "This isn't you, Rumple."

He let out another bitter laughter. "That's very much me," He said softly. "I'm a coward, remember? Maybe I've been doing the wrong thing, trying to fight it all these years. I couldn't accept that we could be happy. I couldn't accept that anyone could love me. I failed you, just like I failed Baelfire. Maybe I should've just given up years ago, when I still could."

"Rumple…"

He cut her off once again, sounding tired. "Goodbye, Belle," He said, his voice still soft but filled with sorrow. "Be happy. Remember… that no matter what I did, I always loved you. And until my heart turns completely dark… I will keep loving you."

With that he started walking again, leaving her standing there, in the middle of the street, staring at his back. Thoughts and feelings battled for control as she stood there, stunned. She couldn't believe he was really leaving. She couldn't believe he was really giving up. She knew, just like she knew before, there was a man underneath the monster, and that man was right there, walking away from her.

But she also knew there was nothing she could do to get him to see it. There was nothing she could do to get him to have faith in himself, not in the time he had left.

She just had to believe he'd find another way. It was clear to her. He'd never given up, not even when Baelfire was practically impossible to reach. She had to believe he'd find another way to survive this and come back to her as the man she loved. She had to, because the thought of saying goodbye to him was too heart-breaking.

Because she knew, without shadow of a doubt, she'd always love him.

"I love you," She whispered through her tears, hoping it would be enough for him to find the way back. Because if there was one thing she was certain of, it was that she wasn't ready to say goodbye to him. Not just yet.


End file.
